Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the Art of Rebuilding. We’re happy to have you here and this will be our first official blog post in relation to the art of rebuilding oneself to become the best version of ourselves possible.
In this instalment of the blog, we shall discuss how to grieve the past us properly. Suppose you are in a position that you deem not as good as the one you were once in, this creates a past that was in your eyes better than the present/future.
When rebuilding ourselves, a fundamental part of that process is the act of grieving. Unless you’ve been seriously unlucky in which you have never felt happy or achieved something that no longer exists, such as a job or a place of study then you will more than likely think about the past in a way that is negative. This is normal. You may often think about the past as something that is to be missed. You might think that the best has already happened and once again, to confirm, this is completely normal.
The entire purpose of this blog is for me to learn (and teach, hopefully) techniques on how to rebuild my life from the ground up. At is stands, I am at the lowest point of my life and I think a good starting point will be to forget the past and move on – to not sound too cliché.
Number 1: Forgive yourself.
We as humans (sorry other species, this post isn’t for you) are commonly our own worst enemy. We are so judgemental and anal around the way that we behave and the way we respond to situations, often thinking about the past and how we have caused everything to go wrong and deserve the backlash of whatever is happening around us.
This is not the case. I am a firm believer that we do what need to do in the moment because it’s the right thing necessary to advance or protect our future on this Earth. Sometimes, this may require us to do things that short term save us from trouble but can potentially cause long term issues. I am not promoting doing dangerous things, hurting others intentionally and causing yourself some serious hardship however, we must realise that the moments that affect our future can often be a choice between a hard place and a rock. For example, getting a loan when you know that life is going to change dramatically through illness because you know that the sick pay you will receive will not support you. This allows you to have enough money for several months but after those months, if you are not back into the normal running of life than you might experience some temporary money hardships.
Believe that whatever you have done was needed at the time. Such as cutting off that relationship, leaving that job or cutting family members off. Sometimes we must do painful things to allow for our future to be positive, no matter how difficult it is.
This will be the first step for us into recovering and rebuilding from whatever has happened. How can we improve ourselves if we cannot even forgive ourselves.
You can view how to forgive yourself in detail here.
Number 2: One foot in front the other
This will be a journey and this entire process takes as long as it takes. Do not push yourself too fast to advance as you could experience burn out, withdrawal or make yourself ill due to the amount of stress you present yourself with. This does not mean you can go so slow that you are potentially going backwards either.
Keep your head focused on what you need to do on the day to progress. You must not think about what is left to do in such a negative way. This can and will be very discouraging as this journey is not a short one. Heck, is there even an end to this journey of rebuilding ourselves because let’s face it, this is a life long process.
One step at a time. One day at a time. One moment at a time. Regardless of how you wish to view this sentiment, you must take away with you that no matter how slow you go – progress is progress. As long as you do something towards your goals every day, how long it takes is immaterial as you will get there eventually.
Feel free to check out the best processes to allow for this mindset to occur unconsciously.
Number 3: Practise Stoicism
Stoicism is something that has interested me from the ripe age of 22/23. This was after I met someone at this part time job I was working at for a chap named Jake. Jake is and was a fantastic person, love him to bits – more than he will ever know. Anyway, enough of that soppy nonsense – let’s continue.
I met this guy whose name I cannot remember for the life of me who introduced me to stoicism. He was a different dude, not because he practised stoicism but they definitely broke the mould when they made him – that’s for sure!
Stoicism is defined as:
the endurance of pain or hardship without the display of feelings and without complaint.
— Oxford Dictionary
Personally, practising Stoicism is something that I have wanted to do for a long term. I admire those that are able to get on with even the most challenging aspects of life with a smile on their face, no explanations or complaints. I thrive to be like this as I believe this oozes respect and strength.
You can view some tips about practising Stoicism here.
Number 4: Reduce anxiety as best as possible
This is of course easier said than done, we understand this. If reducing anxiety around us was easy than there would be no need for medication, no need for therapy and there will never be a claim of not doing something due to the ever looming panic attack.
To move on from the past us, we must attempt to remove or reduce the anxiety towards the future. We must believe in our core that the future has some amazing things in store for us – even if it doesn’t feel like it at this moment in time.
There are several ways that we can reduce anxiety. You can review your diet, consider speaking with your family doctor for medication, exercise more or practise mindfulness. These are all very useful tips.
To get a detailed breakdown on how to reduce anxiety, view our post here.
Number 5: Practise mindfulness
Lastly, we wish to touch on mindfulness. Mindfulness is all about being in the present moment. This allows us to concentrate on what needs to be done and actively not think about the past or the future, which of course is great for when we start thinking negatively.
This method is preached because it works. There are several ways that you can practise mindfulness but have a look at local groups near your area. This would be a good start and something that I did several years ago. They’ve very welcoming. There is also a ton of apps that you get for your smartphone which allow for you to engage in mindfulness in a structured environment without leaving your house.
To view more about mindfulness and a way to get the best from this, visit our blog post on mindfulness here.
Conclusion
The five points that we have discussed above are the most proved ways to move on from the past. This means that after you read this blog post and either do your own research or read the future blog posts detailing even further these points – you are already in a good position with the knowledge you need to learn.
Let us know how you are starting. Where you are starting.
Have you heard of any of these points of discussion before?
Tell us all of the above in the comments below.
Until next time,
AoR team.
